IQ tests weed out the non-sheeple. They do that so they can catch 'em quick, bag 'em and tag 'em, track 'em, trust me . . . yep, sarcastic mood today borderin' on the paranoid I know I need never be . . .
 I've been working all morning, hours writing paragraphs around
lessons so circuitous that I'm nauseous. It's like being on a roller coaster ride . . . I literally feel like I'm going to hurl . . . I'm laughing because that's great, it means I'm doing my job right and pushing myself to limits. It's just a wee uncomfortable . . . nausea . . . I have to take a break, really I do.  I told him if I didn't get a shower soon I was going to petrify. It feels like I've been camping here for the last month. And, I've eaten myself out of house and home today, makes me laugh . . . scrambled eggs, hash browns, turkey sandwich, granola bars and a spoon full of peanut butter . . . can't find what is going to stop this except sleep . . . raisins usually work, you just cram your whole mouth full of them and chew and chew and chew . . . I thought dates would be the same thing and trust me, they are not :-(.
 If I don't call them right now I won't call today . . . and AirWolf is on . . . Stringfellow Hawke . . . it's not the TV show, it's the music, I just close my eyes and listen during the attack sequences . . . they always play the same music. dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah dah, dah dah da duh. LOL. It made me smile in 1982, watching it with my son . . . it still does.
 Meeting somebody I don't know tomorrow . . . whew . . . what I find most disconcerting about meeting new people is that I know, secretly, almost apologetically, that they want my life if only for seconds. The truth is, when you have an aura of "wealthy" around you and you believe it, so does everyone else. I had so much fun with my neighbors when they said, "we always assumed you were independently wealthy." I answered, profoundly I might add, "don't you think if I was that wealthy, I'd have furniture." Swear to you, took her seconds to breathe that one in and to say, "yeah".
 And now . . . I'm going to figure out what else I can watch, read, whatever, to keep my mind from talking about what a failure, how old I am, how much physical pain, all that crap I refuse to garner with my attention. It's old tapes spawned by not so righteous people and I refuse to take Ativan unless I'm mired in them. Ativan is great, don't get me wrong, it's handy . . . and I personally prefer there be peace in my mind not "nothing" in my mind . . . though that "nothing" the Ativan brings definitively beats my own "crap" . . .
 I'm about to gurgle . . . I am so sick of reading me . . . I get
to the point where I'm so frustrated I just want to blithely, sarcastically, write it . . . that's when it's break time and I'm not good at breaks. It seems to me I work 5 minutes and break for an hour, that's not true, I work for hour(s) and break for as long as I can stand it . . .  I just started a "blog" file with blog words that seemed likely
to cause my brain to bleed so cataclysmic the last few months have been. There is a part of me that understands it has been an "emotional roller coaster", that's how neuro-typical people would describe it. It's not like that for me, it's about "discovery", always has been, always will be. Made a whole lot of discoveries in the past few months . . . .  Every time I turn on Hulu right now I get the picture of the blue eyed Viking, the music cues, "this is not the end, it's the beginning, SAIL." It makes me smile every time, I could listen to that on repeat for hours . . . it's the "SAIL" that gets me, I can actually feel myself boarding that boat . . . happy.
 Acting as a channel was entertaining on many levels. It was an
understanding of what those on the other side could clarify for me, clarify without the understanding of what is religious or even spiritual. When you understand the physicality of all nature, the connectedness of all nature, you understand. Sometimes that makes you want to leap up and holler "just stop it" at all the religious leaders on this planet!!! |
Above the Clouds - My deck
About Janet:Janet DeLong, PhD, is a philosophical writer. She'd tell you that is by default, we know it's by design. While her perceptions are not always comfortable, they are always Categories
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