"Sometimes I think I'm crazy because I see things differently than everyone else."

I don't think I'm crazy, anymore.  I see things and energy other people don't see.  For a long time I thought everybody saw what I was seeing.  That was my logical conclusion and a very wrong one.  They did not and do not.  When people can't put themselves in your shoes, can't imagine what you can see real, they can't even begin to understand what it's like to see the way I see. 

"Conspiracy Theorist:  Nothing more than a derogatory title used to dismiss a critical thinker."
Straight up and from a card carrying member of the Tin Foil Hatter Club, that statement is absolutely true.  I cannot tell you how many times I've heard, "Oh, you're one of those Conspiracy Theory people."  I am not.  I review the facts and decide for myself.  FYI, there are Prospiracy Theorists too.  I don't want to be one of them either.  I am simply a Theorist.  We are the "what if" people examining the facts to find the truth.

"I am a daydreamer and a nightthinker."  I am that, so  I thought about why for a while.  Daydreaming is a short-term detachment from one's immediate surroundings, during which a person's contact with reality is blurred.  Reality is the conjectured state of things as they actually exist rather than as they may appear or might be imagined.  Conjecture is an opinion or conclusion formed on the basis of incomplete information.  Yep, that's why.  Daytime lets me prove my survival instinct, nighttime lets me figure out why.
P.S.  That's why I always laugh at the video with the bird who's havin' a game of "Nighttime, Daytime".

When you cannot sleep at night, have you ever thought maybe it's God saying "We need to talk and you now have time."
Have I ever thought . . . yes, why yes I have, even when I know God doesn't talk.  I do communicate with some folks on the other side, have since I can remember.  So . . . I sleep well most nights because I decided to make time.  It's always now. 

Day 1:
"I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from their level of perception."  Trying to explain  myself became exhausting for me.  I retired to a mountaintop to write my truth down, I'm still writin' it down.  I'm seemingly impossible to for me to explain because I know . . . 

I really am a Muse.  If you have to explain that you're a muse you aren't. 

The truth is, I've planned for every outcome, that's how I don't sit in expectation . . . I have had to plan for every single outcome, every single time I leave my house.  I need to know the appropriate response before I ever have to make it.   If I don't, people could easily figure out I'm different.  Yes, all of us who know that feeling, hear that feeling as if they were eight years old again, "if they do this, do that, if they don't do that, do this."  Social Nightmare!

Laughing . . . I just realized I'm going to have to put a hot oil treatment on my hair so I have to take a shower, that'll stop me later and get me into inside rain, no excuses, no rationalization.  Whew,nausea waning.  I still need to take a break because typing that brought it right straight back at me.  I have to lay down for a little while, eating is out of the question.

Right now I'm sitting here, can't make the call to the neighbors, just can't.  It causes me tears, begins my heart runnin' into panic, causes me to rock back and forth (stimming).  When I'm here by myself I can act as the observer, watchin' my physical reactions and knowing why that is the reaction.  It doesn't make it any more comfortable for me.  That's what I've learned about living alone, I'm not good at it.  All I need is a car jump, they are a mile away, they are my neighbors.  If one of my neighbors called I'd grab my keys and out the door I'd go.  I'm sure that will be their reaction if they have jumper cables. It is immediately "depressing" for me when I realize I cannot call them, it's not that I won't, it's that I can not. 

I know my stuff, mental and physical stuff, is out of whack when I consistently hold my breath.  I don't hold it once, I hold it consistently, over and over again, all day long.  I'll be working and all of sudden I just suck in air, for a minute it seems like I'm gulping it.  I never realize how long I've been holding my breath until then.  Laughing . . . and I wonder why I'm dizzy . . .